“What ARE you?”
I’ve been asked this question a LOT throughout my life. I used to respond with something along the lines of “I’m all mixed up. I’m a mutt. My people got around.” Or simply. “I’m American. I’m human.”…and all of these are in a way, true.
Recently I heard someone talk about having had similar experiences, and that being cut off from her cultural roots, not identifying strongly with a single region or people, plus being of mixed descent, always made answering such questions a bit tricky. Until someone who had asked her this (a foreigner, interestingly enough), told her “No. don’t say that. You are not all mixed up. You carry the history of several different races, cultures, lineages, and experiences in your blood. That’s who you are. Make your #ancestors proud. They endured and sacrificed for YOU. Know who you are and where you come from. Learn their stories. You aren’t all mixed up. You are diversity embodied. You are lucky. You’ve been given a gift.”
That statement was beautiful to me, and hearing it was a game changer. It changed the way I saw myself. I always struggled with reconciling something within me that was very difficult to define or put my finger on, but felt akin to this: how can I be at peace with myself when I am the product of “both sides?”. How do I feel ok knowing I am here not only as the result of #love, passion, and resilience, but also hate, violence, trauma, and oppression? How do I love myself when I feel down to my core, the imprint of “both” sides? And i can understand and empathize with each/all? The hopes, dreams, fears-(sheer terror sometimes), and prejudices of ALL my ancestors are ingrained within my DNA. Their sufferings and triumphs are all contained within this one humble womb. And this is something no one ever talks about. It can make a #woman feel isolated and disconnected. Hearing just one person give voice to it, proved that I’m not the only one who has felt this way, and that connection, that empathy that was generated, was very healing. I’m grateful to whomever it was that had the courage to speak their truth and experience in a way that enabled me to find it. I’m grateful to the individual who told her to embrace ALL the beautiful heritages she was fortunate enough to embody. I can’t remember who or where I heard it, but it stuck with me. And the more I sit with it, the more empowering it becomes….
I am dark and I am light. I am deserts and oceans and forests. I am native and foreign. Adventurer and refugee. Conquerer and conquered. Strong and weak. Right and wrong.
I am nothing, and I am everything. 🌀
And every day, in every moment, I have a choice.
At the end of the day, I wouldn’t want to be anyone or anything else. ☀️🌙
She Is Howling 